This morning, I awoke nice and early to the melodious sounds of Josef’s new instrument. It’s called dropping a glass on the ground in the dark 4+ times. It’s based on Beethoven’s 5th.
After sucking down some eggs and being forced to speak to an American lady who just seemed lonely, we began our four-hour trip back to the capital’s airport via our semi-pro Formula 1 driver, Tina Turner. You should see how Tina “The Tuck” Taylor whipped around self-employed construction workers, other drivers, and avoided imminent death via cliffs at speeds of 120 km/h. No wonder she’s the best.
In true African fashion, we arrived to the charter flight terminal a solid 30 minutes late, but they didn’t seem to mind. To thank us, they wheeled out our “luxurious” private jet, which was a small, propeller driven, pod of impending death. To ease my fears, they started the death trap and let me watch the engine fail. What better way to lose weight than plummeting to my death in a cab made for ants? We hungout for about an hour, and the pilot got to “borrow” a plane from someone else, and we were on our way.
With face slightly droopy from terror and stress, your heroes wound down and landed in a tasty dirt airfield with a whole tribe out waiting for us. We felt like Bradjolina (RIP) coming to pick up a new baby. It’s incredibly that my fans travel so well. Hopping in our SUV with a new driver, who we promptly named “Dad” because of his impossible name, and our new guide, who we now call “Mom” because her name was something like Andouille, we continued down a rough dirt road. That’s cool right? Us Arkansas boys love driving our made-for-street BMW’s on dirt paths, but we were literally on a rough, broken, dirt road being throw around like a rag doll in a therapist’s office for a solid hour and a half.
Finally, we made it to the limestone forest, which is truly a wonder to behold. Prior to our hike, we were directed to the “bathroom,” which was an area behind a rock that was covered in human feces. Good thing I had a light lunch. Then we began our hike, which resulted in some seriously sweaty Braunfisch boys. These lucky Malagasy’s, normally you have to pay extra for that. Luckily, we were told that our hotel has “super fast” wifi. Apparently, the speaker of this claim was a time-traveller from 1993 because that’s the speed of this mug.
Tomorrow we will be exploring the large sections of the limestone forest, and we will be attempting to complete a 6-hour hike in around 3 hours. Why? Because mama raised athletes and daddy raised guys who would like to enjoy an afternoon by the pool. That’s why.
Please check out our awesome drone shots below, and we hope to have more coming soon!
With unsettled stomachs,
Josef “What is fish anyway,” Christian “its’ when the queen serves you a plate of tilapia with her face,” & Hans “No. It’s the whole package: face, body, tuck. It has to all be beat to filth” Braunfisch