Warning: The following description of our day includes non-subtle innuendos, jokes that might confuse those with a history of traumatic brain injuries, and suggestive statements that might be harmful to those with an irregular heartbeat. Please consult your doctor to see if you’re healthy enough to read this blog.
We got relentless jokes of “oh, you’re going to Madagascar? You have to see the penguins!” What are you trying to do? Show off that you saw the Pixar animated movie “Madagascar” too? Literally everyone in the English-speaking world saw that movie. Is like trying to flaunt that you’re a Brit with teeth like planks of wood, a German who has facial pains when he smiles, or an old lady who owns Crocs. However, penguins are not in Madagascar, nor do they talk. But you know where they are? South Africa! And our camera rolls.
This morning, we had a piece of business to attended to prior to our penguin adventure. After being on a sinking ship, sweating profusely, and losing control of our bowels, the boys’ wardrobes were severely limited. Therefore, we had no choice but to wage our own jihad on our lack of fashionable options. Stevo, our accomplice and driver, took us to a secure area, where we deposited our dirty bomb. The small, locally-owned shop, “What-the-Fluff” (not a joke), was left saying “What-the-****” (a joke), with our payload. The Fabreeze-scented bag was no match for this stink. When sorting our clothes into the bag, I actually fought back vomit. What better way to lose my goal of 35 kgs?
We scampered off, leaving our wake of destruction in the rearview mirror, and the boys were on our way. After an hour on real roads, unlike Madagascar’s dirt versions of your local, accident-prone, eugenic state fair rides, we arrived in a beautiful suburb of Cape Town. Walking down on a small pier covered in Chinese tourists and little babies yelling “babies” (like Inception), we were surrounded by penguins and their babies. They’re just too cute. Honestly, it revives even the coldest of hearts. Watching them waddle, fall, and curl up into Penguin nuggets is so adorable it’ll give you chill bumps. The sensation is almost as potent as when we see our reflections.
After an afternoon at our leisure (including a child’s tour of the aquarium), the boys hit the gym again, and we continued our rejuvenation with an incredibly healthy dinner. We sucked down some smoothies and salad bowls, and I just can’t help but feel like I’m going to live to be 120 years old. I’m just afraid that the title “World’s Oldest Man” is cursed. It seems like they are always dying…
Hungry for some slippery drone prawn? You creeps need to put the kids to bed, draw the blinds, and check the following links. You’re welcome.
With freshly re-scented clothes and potential interest in a black market penguin,
Christian “Does this post seem a bit TOO raunchy?” Josef “Yes – I’ve noticed they’re getting progressively weirder”, & Hans “Joke’s on you both; I already posted it” Braunfisch