16 hours isn’t that long right? How long was that dude trapped between the rocks before cutting off his arm? Well luckily our South African Airlines flight to NYC had pretty good food, so we didn’t require our arms as snacks like that sicko. Just kidding, I know he’s an inspiration to lackluster rock climbers the world over. If you can’t tell by my testiness, the flight was long.
I’ll toss you a tasty scenario Oreo here. First, the 16 hour flight was full of South African people who essentially treated the plane like a zoo, sitting on armrests, ordering unlimited drinks, and just willy-nilly changing seats like it was the most expensive game of musical chairs ever. For some nice filling, ya boi literally slept for 12 hours. That’s half a day for you Copernicans out there. Finally, I slept right next to Christian, radiating heat like a fat kid at cotillion, topping off the flight, which was over 80 degrees the entire time. What a great way to lose weight.
We safely landed in JFK, came back to nap at Christian’s apartment, and we slurped down some nutritious smoothies. Those honestly might have brought us back from the brinks of death. In the afternoon, we hit an intense workout class, ate some salads, and came back to lie down. Exciting right? Wow! Those guys are doing basic maintenance to prolong their inevitable mortalities. Super reading! Sorry, I’m still kinda jetlagged.
At dinner, the fact that our voyage has ended really hit us. Christian made a joke, which is typically pretty hit-or-miss, about our boy Mike. Josef and I looked at each other and had difficulties remembering who Mike was. This was as sad, if not sadder, than those Alzheimer commercials with people forgetting their kids. Sweetie, I paid good hush money to “forget” mine. But Mike. Mike. Mikey “I don’t want your autograph, get off my ferry,” “Chris, it’s too damn cold in here,” “My brother-in-law makes cut rate pizza pies” [Insert Last Name Here]. This was the man who we were proclaiming to be the second coming of Joseph Smith, our ride-or-die, G for lyfe. And now we couldn’t even remember him.
This trip was fantastic. This trip was everything we could have hoped for and more. However, it went by far too quickly. We all know that we enjoyed spending this time together as brothers before we all head our separate ways and two of us stop celebrating Thanksgiving and Presidents’ Day. If we could do it again, we would. We would just know not to get on that little canoe this time.
With bellies full of pizza and hoping we skipped the 🏃🏃🏃🏃,
Hans “So long,” Josef “Farewell,” Hans “Auf Wiedersehen” [Turns to Christian], & Christian “Please stop, I’m trying to sleep” Braunfisch